i have also had an addiction problem for a long time. For me, the addiction of gambling exists only in combination with cocaine. I'm not interested in any of that when I'm sober. And here is the fatal thing. If I ever used again, I deposited directly and spanked everything that goes. Including all debits go back.
I have 4 therapies behind me. So far, there was only one therapy that combined drugs and gambling.
I already have an insolvency behind me due to the history that went from 2017-2022. Last year I got the residual Debt discharge.
Currently it looks like this with the debts:
Private individuals: 5300 euros
Collection: 910,44 Euro
Debts to the previous employer: 5275
Banks/short credit: 2666 Euro
Privately I pay off 100 Euro per month at a good friend.
Since I became unemployed at the end of June, I got citizen's allowance transferred a few days ago. I have of course in a night and fog action verhauen.
That means I can't pay the rent next month. A new insolvency is also not possible because of the block. I have now contacted zich debt counseling. They would help me. But they also want money. As a rule, up to 1000 euros. It is possible to pay in installments, but the chances of success are uncertain. Since I can no longer get into insolvency, there is only the possibility of a settlement.
And now imagine that only one creditor says no. Then everything was for nothing and I still have to pay the installments for the debtor counseling.
I have already put my car and PC on classifieds/mobile. So far no message.
I go from the 25.7 the 3 weeks in a rehab. Since I am open with the subject and have already had 1000 relapse, the relationship between my mother and me is strained. She can't take it all anymore. And I can understand all this.
You know, as soon as I get close to a nose, fire is free. I don't think about anything or anybody anymore. Totally in the tunnel. I know all my problems. I know skills etc.pp. Still I don't do it in those situations.
So in a nutshell:
I currently have 0 euros available. All direct debits that went back want their money. Next month Cashper and Ferratum will try to debit. Electricity, Insurance, the installment to my friend - everything does not go off.
I have already written to the banks that I am not able to pay the installments.
Still, I can't clear my head when I know that everyone wants their money. And I need to have my head clear during the detox to be able to participate.
Maybe you have some ideas/tips/suggestions.
I was thinking of writing off my Citizen's Allowance social advisor and telling him the whole thing. Maybe at least the rent can be shot ahead and in the future then directly on the account of the landlord to land.
Incidentally, the social welfare office also knows everything. I had to write in whether I have debts and whether I have diseases. And the last 3 monthly bank statements show or present.
My panic is only that the payments will be stopped.
I am in the Oasis lock since 2021. But of course can play on any x site. Have locked me on almost every site too. But there are always new ones shot out of the ground.
since you are now receiving citizen's money, you can now visit a debtor's counseling free of charge (e.g. at the DRK) and get advice. they will really help you there and try to reduce your debts together with you (e.g. by comparing them). openness and honesty on your part is of course a prerequisite. wish you all the best.
You have submitted such bank statements and the employment agency still transfers the money for the rent to you instead of directly to the landlord?
That is grossly negligent.
What you really need is rehab, therapy and more therapy. There will be no way around the fact that you can't pay your debts. They will accumulate, multiply, and become an even bigger problem. But problems, no matter what size, can theoretically be solved somehow.
It's just that junkies like you are not capable of solving problems. If you were given enough money now to pay off all your debts exactly, you would surely not pay any (or all) of the bills, and you'd shove the money up your nose and down Curacao Mafioso's throat.
It follows that you cannot solve your problem until you solve the cause of your problem. Otherwise, it will simply arise again and again.
So screw your debt. Go to therapy, try to follow through. Then get a job. Then start to pay your debts and invest the rest of your life your complete energy in not falling off the wagon. Which you will probably fail at.
Difficult to give tips from my side, I have no experience with this kind of drugs.
But as was mentioned before me, the only thing that currently helps is help for yourself. Talk therapy, a confidant, or similar......
The debts are still in a frame that is manageable, more important is that you get your addictions somehow under control / can control in the future. That you can also handle 500 € or 1000 € when you have them (at your disposal)....
@Garfield: Yes there are free Debt counseling services. The problem in my city is the appointment. They don't have anything available until September and work relatively slowly. And I'm afraid by then there will be quite a bit going on.
And yes @Knochen the have it actually completely transferred not (AfA but the Social Welfare Office) including 1063 euros additional costs back payment. But fortunately I have previously transferred to the landlord.
I will also go back to therapy/rehab after the detox.
We have also tried everything possible with online banking data change or who else has only got access to it. The bad thing is that I have always managed to change the data. And that only with my EC card number and my personal data. As a therapist once said: "Players always find loopholes".
And it's true.
I would also immediately go back to the job market. My problem is that I then become stressed/overstrained/tension rises to such an extent that I fall off the wagon again. And this game has been going on for 11 years now.
But as I said, the plan is during detox to see where I can go afterwards. The whole thing also in consultation with my addiction counselor, who knows me for years and accordingly writes the social report for the clinic / rehab.
And yes @bones you are right about a lot. I am indeed probably a junkie and maybe I will never make it.
The best thing to do is to scroll down to the bottom of the page and there you will find 3 employees of counseling centers. They are exactly the right contact point for you and your problem.
Falko wrote on 21.07.2023 at 20:18: Best you scroll with the mouse to the bottom of the page and there you will find 3 employees of counseling centers. They are exactly the right place for you and your problem.
Thank you! Apparently I can not send them messages because of too few points?
LiamSongbird wrote on 07/21/2023 at 21:27:Thanks! Apparently I can't send them messages due to not enough points?!
Yes that could be possible of course, that you can't send a message privately yet because of that. Either a mod could clear that up if that's the reason and it's solvable, but those staff members also often look into the forum here and may reply to you in the tweet here soon. I feel the most active in the forum is the gentleman from FachstelleGGSkoeln. He had written in the forum a few times this week.
very brave to address this so openly and good that you are aware of your mistakes. do you consume on a daily basis, so as long as you can still afford / pump something? you also needed it to survive your work? the idea with the office was good & that's already regulated. if there is not with you at every corner substance is best to make a big bow around your salesman but you've probably already heard at every therapy ... do it at least for your mother! try smoking Pot if you do not get along sober ...
if you have a perfect overview of your debts write to all creditors, ask for the current claim & at the same time mention that you plan to go bankrupt...
remember it always goes on somehow...
A long time ago I had a colleague who started doing coke at some point (now deceased at a young age). Sometimes he asked if he could play a game on my PC (Ultra Flexball 2000 or something, a Breakout clone), in a coke frenzy. While I was sleeping in the other room and woke up after 5,6 hours he was still playing the game. Totally focused and on it as they say. I can imagine that one then actually has no control over himself and gambles away all his money. It would be better to lock yourself up somehow before taking the drug or to lock up everything with which you can Deposit money. Therapy is probably the only alternative. I already know why I would never take this chemical filth
Blaming others is always the easiest way to shift problems etc. and avoid reality.
However, it seems that all the paths you have taken so far have not moved you to really change something in your life. Therapies are signposts and no guarantee of freedom from addiction, only YOU yourself can change something about it and should, according to your description above, only finally wake up.
I mean, you can always run away from it, but it will catch up with you sooner or later. And as long as you don't seriously work on it yourself, it will be impossible to tear yourself away from it.
The best therapy is only as good as your own will to want to change something.
And when I read through what you have already experienced in the past, it makes me wonder if it wasn't enough for you to finally want to change something.
Nevertheless, I wish you all the best in your project and no, I wish you nothing bad, with what I write, but only reflect that what my heart tells me at this moment.
What talents/strengths do you have? What have you been praised for by your environment?
Try to focus on this and think about what you might be throwing away or wasting.
Addiction often has something to do with escape. What are you fleeing from? Reality, parts of you that you don't like, the past/future?
When you figure that out, you know what you can work on.
Imagine that you are really totally clean since a few years. How proud can you be of yourself?
Paint yourself this positive picture and let it be your guide for the future.
Maybe a complete change of scenery will help you. Get out of your familiar environment and work on a volunteer project, go to a silent monastery for a week, get completely calm inside and be free from everyday stress. That's what people who consume coke miss the most.
Or at least start meditating for 10 minutes every day, even if it doesn't work right the first time. This is completely normal. If you have thoughts running through your head all the time, imagine the following:
You are standing under a waterfall, and the thoughts are the drops of water that are raining down on you. Just take a step to the side, you don't have to stand there.
@rocco Smoking Pot is definitely a much lesser evil, but still an addiction shift. I would most likely recommend only CBD then, because it's not a mind-altering substance, but rather subtly sedating.
And please don't label yourself as a junkie, Liam. You are a person with an addiction disorder, which in this completely crazy world is no great shame at all, to me anyway.
"It is not a sign of mental health to be well adjusted to a deeply sick society."
LiamSongbird wrote on 07/21/2023 at 16:42: Hi guys,
i too have had an addiction problem for a long time. For me the addiction of gambling is only in combination with cocaine. Sober, I'm not interested in all this... And there is the fatal. If I ever used again, I deposited directly and spanked everything that goes. Including all debits go back.
I have 4 therapies behind me. So far, there was only one therapy that combined drugs and gambling.
I already have an insolvency behind me due to the history that went from 2017-2022. Last year I got the residual Debt discharge.
Currently it looks like this with the debts:
Private persons: 5300 euros
Collection: 910,44 Euro
Debts to the previous employer: 5275
Banks/short credit: 2666 Euro
Privately, I pay off a good friend 100 euros per month.
Since I became unemployed at the end of June, I got citizen's allowance transferred a few days ago. I have of course in a night and fog action verhauen.
That means I can't pay the rent next month. A new insolvency is also not possible because of the block. I have now contacted zich debt counseling. They would help me. But they also want money. As a rule, up to 1000 euros. It is possible to pay in installments, but the chances of success are uncertain. Since I can no longer get into insolvency, there is only the possibility of a settlement.
And now imagine that only one creditor says no. Then everything was for nothing and I still have to pay the installments for the debtor counseling.
I have already put my car and PC on classifieds/mobile. So far no message.
I go from the 25.7 the 3 weeks in a rehab. Since I am open with the subject and have already had 1000 relapse, the relationship between my mother and me is strained. She can't take it all anymore. And I can understand all this.
You know, as soon as I get close to a nose, fire is free. I don't think about anything or anybody anymore. Totally in the tunnel. I know all my problems. I know skills etc.pp. Still I don't do it in those situations.
So in a nutshell:
I currently have 0 euros available. All direct debits that went back want their money. Next month Cashper and Ferratum will try to debit. Electricity, Insurance, the installment to my friend - everything does not go off.
I have already written to the banks that I am not able to pay the installments.
Still, I can't clear my head when I know that everyone wants their money. And I need to have my head clear during the detox to be able to participate.
Maybe you have some ideas/tips/suggestions.
I was thinking of writing off my Citizen's Allowance social advisor and telling him the whole thing. Maybe at least the rent can be shot ahead and in the future then directly on the account of the landlord to land.
Incidentally, the social welfare office also knows everything. I had to write in whether I have debts and whether I have diseases. And the last 3 monthly bank statements show or present.
My panic is only that the payments will be stopped.
I have only the fear that
Hi Liam,
i have exactly the same problem as you. Sober I would never think of gambling, as soon as I consume K I am obsessed. I, like you, try to trick myself, but always find a way to get high and then play. Cocaine is the worst drug ever in my opinion. Because it doesn't totally blow you away and you're just on it and enjoying the high, but it's linked to very dangerous actions. With us, it's gambling. Just like you, I have debts, I draw citizen's money because I'm sort of constantly recovering from my escapades and it drains all my energy that there's no thought of a job. I moved back to the country from the big city with coke cab at all hours of the day and night, hoping to get a handle on it. It didn't even take me a week to find a Dealer in the neighboring town.
Now, I could tell you at length that my childhood was bad, that I'm the type of loser who always has bad luck in life, and justify why this addiction has such a grip on me. Yes, my childhood was bad and I'm actually always unlucky, but this addiction is just my absolute weakness and incompetence. It is my escape from reality, where I can't even stand myself for two days sober. I don't know what to do with myself on my own for 10 minutes. I have also done therapies, but no one and nothing can fill my inner emptiness in the long run. I am happy about things selectively, but in the long run I feel nothing. Only when I consume.
In the meantime I have come to terms with the fact that I will die "young". And hopefully afterwards I will get the chance to live again and do everything differently.
It's good that you are so open about addiction in your environment. I keep it a secret and somehow manage it. Nobody knows. You have a chance to involve those around you and get help. Have your daily limit for transfers at the bank lowered to a minimal amount. Or enter your online banking password wrong several times so that your access is blocked. When you are sober, arrange for the rent to be paid directly to the landlord by the government. Try to put as many obstacles in your own way as possible. In my experience, when you're intoxicated you pull out all the stops, but when you're sober you can take precautions to protect yourself.
I feel so much what you describe. After those intoxication escapades, you also just feel stupid and your thoughts just circle around what crap you did again. When I look back on the last 4 years, I spent all my energy on consuming, then playing and averting the disasters afterwards. Honestly, that's no life....
I wish so much that you can engage in therapy and find a way out of the spiral. That you find a way to free yourself and most of all that you can take away your mom's worries about you. How awful it must be for her to have to watch you throw your life away.
I don't know any more either...
Liked this post:
needle34
i have also had an addiction problem for a long time. For me, the addiction of gambling exists only in combination with cocaine. I'm not interested in any of that when I'm sober. And here is the fatal thing. If I ever used again, I deposited directly and spanked everything that goes. Including all debits go back.
I have 4 therapies behind me. So far, there was only one therapy that combined drugs and gambling.
I already have an insolvency behind me due to the history that went from 2017-2022. Last year I got the residual Debt discharge.
Currently it looks like this with the debts:
Private individuals: 5300 euros
Collection: 910,44 Euro
Debts to the previous employer: 5275
Banks/short credit: 2666 Euro
Privately I pay off 100 Euro per month at a good friend.
Since I became unemployed at the end of June, I got citizen's allowance transferred a few days ago. I have of course in a night and fog action verhauen.
That means I can't pay the rent next month. A new insolvency is also not possible because of the block. I have now contacted zich debt counseling. They would help me. But they also want money. As a rule, up to 1000 euros. It is possible to pay in installments, but the chances of success are uncertain. Since I can no longer get into insolvency, there is only the possibility of a settlement.
And now imagine that only one creditor says no. Then everything was for nothing and I still have to pay the installments for the debtor counseling.
I have already put my car and PC on classifieds/mobile. So far no message.
I go from the 25.7 the 3 weeks in a rehab. Since I am open with the subject and have already had 1000 relapse, the relationship between my mother and me is strained. She can't take it all anymore. And I can understand all this.
You know, as soon as I get close to a nose, fire is free. I don't think about anything or anybody anymore. Totally in the tunnel. I know all my problems. I know skills etc.pp. Still I don't do it in those situations.
So in a nutshell:
I currently have 0 euros available. All direct debits that went back want their money. Next month Cashper and Ferratum will try to debit. Electricity, Insurance, the installment to my friend - everything does not go off.
I have already written to the banks that I am not able to pay the installments.
Still, I can't clear my head when I know that everyone wants their money. And I need to have my head clear during the detox to be able to participate.
Maybe you have some ideas/tips/suggestions.
I was thinking of writing off my Citizen's Allowance social advisor and telling him the whole thing. Maybe at least the rent can be shot ahead and in the future then directly on the account of the landlord to land.
Incidentally, the social welfare office also knows everything. I had to write in whether I have debts and whether I have diseases. And the last 3 monthly bank statements show or present.
My panic is only that the payments will be stopped.
I have only the fear that
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I don't know any more either...
Nobody has liked this post so far
I am in the Oasis lock since 2021. But of course can play on any x site. Have locked me on almost every site too. But there are always new ones shot out of the ground.
This post has been translated automatically
I don't know any more either...
Liked this post:
hustlehoff, 
Saphira
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I don't know any more either...
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gagapapamama
That is grossly negligent.
What you really need is rehab, therapy and more therapy. There will be no way around the fact that you can't pay your debts. They will accumulate, multiply, and become an even bigger problem. But problems, no matter what size, can theoretically be solved somehow.
It's just that junkies like you are not capable of solving problems. If you were given enough money now to pay off all your debts exactly, you would surely not pay any (or all) of the bills, and you'd shove the money up your nose and down Curacao Mafioso's throat.
It follows that you cannot solve your problem until you solve the cause of your problem. Otherwise, it will simply arise again and again.
So screw your debt. Go to therapy, try to follow through. Then get a job. Then start to pay your debts and invest the rest of your life your complete energy in not falling off the wagon. Which you will probably fail at.
This post has been translated automatically
I don't know any more either...
Nobody has liked this post so far
But as was mentioned before me, the only thing that currently helps is help for yourself. Talk therapy, a confidant, or similar......
The debts are still in a frame that is manageable, more important is that you get your addictions somehow under control / can control in the future. That you can also handle 500 € or 1000 € when you have them (at your disposal)....
This post has been translated automatically
I don't know any more either...
Nobody has liked this post so far
@Garfield: Yes there are free Debt counseling services. The problem in my city is the appointment. They don't have anything available until September and work relatively slowly. And I'm afraid by then there will be quite a bit going on.
And yes @Knochen the have it actually completely transferred not (AfA but the Social Welfare Office) including 1063 euros additional costs back payment. But fortunately I have previously transferred to the landlord.
I will also go back to therapy/rehab after the detox.
We have also tried everything possible with online banking data change or who else has only got access to it. The bad thing is that I have always managed to change the data. And that only with my EC card number and my personal data. As a therapist once said: "Players always find loopholes".
And it's true.
I would also immediately go back to the job market. My problem is that I then become stressed/overstrained/tension rises to such an extent that I fall off the wagon again. And this game has been going on for 11 years now.
But as I said, the plan is during detox to see where I can go afterwards. The whole thing also in consultation with my addiction counselor, who knows me for years and accordingly writes the social report for the clinic / rehab.
And yes @bones you are right about a lot. I am indeed probably a junkie and maybe I will never make it.
But hope dies last.
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I don't know any more either...
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LiamSongbird, 
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I don't know any more either...
Nobody has liked this post so far
Thank you! Apparently I can not send them messages because of too few points?
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I don't know any more either...
Nobody has liked this post so far
Yes that could be possible of course, that you can't send a message privately yet because of that. Either a mod could clear that up if that's the reason and it's solvable, but those staff members also often look into the forum here and may reply to you in the tweet here soon. I feel the most active in the forum is the gentleman from FachstelleGGSkoeln. He had written in the forum a few times this week.
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I don't know any more either...
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Saphira
if you have a perfect overview of your debts write to all creditors, ask for the current claim & at the same time mention that you plan to go bankrupt...
remember it always goes on somehow...
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I don't know any more either...
Nobody has liked this post so far
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I don't know any more either...
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most important is the rent
there are quite a few running around with the same problem
as long as you are addicted to cocaine no chance for a normal life
ps. do not blame your parents but the state
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Langhans, 
Rainmann, 
Saphira, 
Yvonka
However, it seems that all the paths you have taken so far have not moved you to really change something in your life. Therapies are signposts and no guarantee of freedom from addiction, only YOU yourself can change something about it and should, according to your description above, only finally wake up.
I mean, you can always run away from it, but it will catch up with you sooner or later. And as long as you don't seriously work on it yourself, it will be impossible to tear yourself away from it.
The best therapy is only as good as your own will to want to change something.
And when I read through what you have already experienced in the past, it makes me wonder if it wasn't enough for you to finally want to change something.
Nevertheless, I wish you all the best in your project and no, I wish you nothing bad, with what I write, but only reflect that what my heart tells me at this moment.
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I don't know any more either...
Liked this post:
Langhans, 
Max_Bet, 
refucs, 
s00pernanny
Try to focus on this and think about what you might be throwing away or wasting.
Addiction often has something to do with escape. What are you fleeing from? Reality, parts of you that you don't like, the past/future?
When you figure that out, you know what you can work on.
Imagine that you are really totally clean since a few years. How proud can you be of yourself?
Paint yourself this positive picture and let it be your guide for the future.
Maybe a complete change of scenery will help you. Get out of your familiar environment and work on a volunteer project, go to a silent monastery for a week, get completely calm inside and be free from everyday stress. That's what people who consume coke miss the most.
Or at least start meditating for 10 minutes every day, even if it doesn't work right the first time. This is completely normal. If you have thoughts running through your head all the time, imagine the following:
You are standing under a waterfall, and the thoughts are the drops of water that are raining down on you. Just take a step to the side, you don't have to stand there.
@rocco Smoking Pot is definitely a much lesser evil, but still an addiction shift. I would most likely recommend only CBD then, because it's not a mind-altering substance, but rather subtly sedating.
And please don't label yourself as a junkie, Liam. You are a person with an addiction disorder, which in this completely crazy world is no great shame at all, to me anyway.
"It is not a sign of mental health to be well adjusted to a deeply sick society."
All the best to you!
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I don't know any more either...
Liked this post:
Yvonka
Hi Liam,
i have exactly the same problem as you. Sober I would never think of gambling, as soon as I consume K I am obsessed. I, like you, try to trick myself, but always find a way to get high and then play. Cocaine is the worst drug ever in my opinion. Because it doesn't totally blow you away and you're just on it and enjoying the high, but it's linked to very dangerous actions. With us, it's gambling. Just like you, I have debts, I draw citizen's money because I'm sort of constantly recovering from my escapades and it drains all my energy that there's no thought of a job. I moved back to the country from the big city with coke cab at all hours of the day and night, hoping to get a handle on it. It didn't even take me a week to find a Dealer in the neighboring town.
Now, I could tell you at length that my childhood was bad, that I'm the type of loser who always has bad luck in life, and justify why this addiction has such a grip on me. Yes, my childhood was bad and I'm actually always unlucky, but this addiction is just my absolute weakness and incompetence. It is my escape from reality, where I can't even stand myself for two days sober. I don't know what to do with myself on my own for 10 minutes. I have also done therapies, but no one and nothing can fill my inner emptiness in the long run. I am happy about things selectively, but in the long run I feel nothing. Only when I consume.
In the meantime I have come to terms with the fact that I will die "young". And hopefully afterwards I will get the chance to live again and do everything differently.
It's good that you are so open about addiction in your environment. I keep it a secret and somehow manage it. Nobody knows. You have a chance to involve those around you and get help. Have your daily limit for transfers at the bank lowered to a minimal amount. Or enter your online banking password wrong several times so that your access is blocked. When you are sober, arrange for the rent to be paid directly to the landlord by the government. Try to put as many obstacles in your own way as possible. In my experience, when you're intoxicated you pull out all the stops, but when you're sober you can take precautions to protect yourself.
I feel so much what you describe. After those intoxication escapades, you also just feel stupid and your thoughts just circle around what crap you did again. When I look back on the last 4 years, I spent all my energy on consuming, then playing and averting the disasters afterwards. Honestly, that's no life....
I wish so much that you can engage in therapy and find a way out of the spiral. That you find a way to free yourself and most of all that you can take away your mom's worries about you. How awful it must be for her to have to watch you throw your life away.
All the best to you!
This post has been translated automatically