Hello dear members,
i have reached an absolute low point in my 'career'. In short
I started to play in my youth with about 17 and as it always is, in the beginning it was an up and down - sometimes you win something and later you lose again. I am probably very susceptible to addiction, even in my family there was already a 'victim' of gambling addiction. During my education I gambled away almost everything I had, took out a loan (or actually several small ones) amounting to 13000€ and always lived at the 'subsistence level'. In the meantime I met my current wife and worked on my career while the Gambling addiction was always a companion. None of my family or friends ever saw the extent of it because I was able to hide it very well (a typical trait of a gambler). in 2020 it was actually the perfect time for me to jump ship. I played my way up to a bankroll of 140K€ at a casino. I even limited myself and managed to cash out an amount of about 90K€. This winning streak really should have been the end of my story but of course you move on. I paid off my loans right after the win, proposed to my wife and moved with her from an apartment to a house. Meaningfully I have spent estimated about 30K€ for repayment of the debts, removal as well as renovation work and a vacation. Actually, the wedding should be paid but at that time I had all the remaining money again gambled away so I have taken a loan again in the amount of 20K
Since then the credit runs, I can also serve all this but I hate myself so much. I have everything you can wish for, a gorgeous wife, a nice house and a net income of ~6K€ a month and gamble away easily 4K of it every month. Today was another prime example: I wanted to play 200€, deposited over 1800€ and was in the meantime at 6K bankroll. But I'm not paying out, I'm still chasing after another huge win and dreaming of living self-determined again and getting rid of this shackle on my leg. I don't live my life, I always spend it thinking about slots. Watching videos of Max Wins and 'expecting' that eventually yes, this one has to come. From month to month I make sure that my account will be able to pay everything but every cent beyond that ends up in gambling. I'm surprised myself that not everything has been blown up yet - I've spent 50-60K in the last half year, but I'm still getting away with it. I don't dare to reveal myself to my family or my wife, the shame is much too big. I am the 'winner' with success in my job, the picture book life and when I look at it myself just a huge phony. The fortune that I could have built up would be easily 150K but I have a loan of 20K and just 10K saved. I write here the frustration from the soul, have just blocked myself again at the casino for 6 weeks and just hope someday to find the strength to stop with this shit!
You made a very good step. The realization of the facts. But I also notice that you are very hung up on numbers. My personal Tip to you is: Set realistic and short goals. A realistic assessment will positively influence your gambling behavior if a relapse should come. Also, if a relapse comes and you feel so dirty, try not to give up and think about the losses and your loved ones while gambling. If your gambling behavior is deliberate then you've come a long way. It is sometimes a long lasting wrestling match whose rounds don't even stop and with every round you feel like you are getting a few years older in a few hours of play
Realize again the damage you have suffered due to your gameplay. It sounds hard but if you really suffer and you see the cause in your gaming behavior, at some point a feeling of disgust should arise when you gamble. Your body gets old and can't stand the overstimulation with adrenalin-push-kicks anymore. The excessive gambling becomes your undoing. The little uncontrolled boy in you needs a leading realistic father again who teaches him how to love life.
Always stay realistic and don't get caught in any tunnel.
Even if you fall off the wagon and make a fat loss, you have to take responsibility for it and repolarize yourself neuronally for the next fight
With every fight you get used to it and your addiction decreases considerably. Whether it is guaranteed to disappear I cannot assure. It differs depending on the individual.
Take the chance that you have a good life apart from gambling. People who have lost everything, must first laboriously and usually tediously rebuild everything
As maestro808 has already written, a feeling of disgust should set in when you play. Your conscience is just reporting, because you know that it is wrong & you feel dirty afterwards. The feeling must be very strong for you to change your behavior
At the same time you can fill the feeling of emptiness with your family and hobbies
That is the door out of the vicious circle & into a new life ✌
Just frustration!
Nobody has liked this post so far
i have reached an absolute low point in my 'career'. In short
I started to play in my youth with about 17 and as it always is, in the beginning it was an up and down - sometimes you win something and later you lose again. I am probably very susceptible to addiction, even in my family there was already a 'victim' of gambling addiction. During my education I gambled away almost everything I had, took out a loan (or actually several small ones) amounting to 13000€ and always lived at the 'subsistence level'. In the meantime I met my current wife and worked on my career while the Gambling addiction was always a companion. None of my family or friends ever saw the extent of it because I was able to hide it very well (a typical trait of a gambler). in 2020 it was actually the perfect time for me to jump ship. I played my way up to a bankroll of 140K€ at a casino. I even limited myself and managed to cash out an amount of about 90K€. This winning streak really should have been the end of my story but of course you move on. I paid off my loans right after the win, proposed to my wife and moved with her from an apartment to a house. Meaningfully I have spent estimated about 30K€ for repayment of the debts, removal as well as renovation work and a vacation. Actually, the wedding should be paid but at that time I had all the remaining money again gambled away so I have taken a loan again in the amount of 20K
Since then the credit runs, I can also serve all this but I hate myself so much. I have everything you can wish for, a gorgeous wife, a nice house and a net income of ~6K€ a month and gamble away easily 4K of it every month. Today was another prime example: I wanted to play 200€, deposited over 1800€ and was in the meantime at 6K bankroll. But I'm not paying out, I'm still chasing after another huge win and dreaming of living self-determined again and getting rid of this shackle on my leg. I don't live my life, I always spend it thinking about slots. Watching videos of Max Wins and 'expecting' that eventually yes, this one has to come. From month to month I make sure that my account will be able to pay everything but every cent beyond that ends up in gambling. I'm surprised myself that not everything has been blown up yet - I've spent 50-60K in the last half year, but I'm still getting away with it. I don't dare to reveal myself to my family or my wife, the shame is much too big. I am the 'winner' with success in my job, the picture book life and when I look at it myself just a huge phony. The fortune that I could have built up would be easily 150K but I have a loan of 20K and just 10K saved. I write here the frustration from the soul, have just blocked myself again at the casino for 6 weeks and just hope someday to find the strength to stop with this shit!
This post has been translated automatically
Just frustration!
Liked this post:
Max_Bet
You made a very good step. The realization of the facts. But I also notice that you are very hung up on numbers. My personal Tip to you is: Set realistic and short goals. A realistic assessment will positively influence your gambling behavior if a relapse should come. Also, if a relapse comes and you feel so dirty, try not to give up and think about the losses and your loved ones while gambling. If your gambling behavior is deliberate then you've come a long way. It is sometimes a long lasting wrestling match whose rounds don't even stop and with every round you feel like you are getting a few years older in a few hours of play
Realize again the damage you have suffered due to your gameplay. It sounds hard but if you really suffer and you see the cause in your gaming behavior, at some point a feeling of disgust should arise when you gamble. Your body gets old and can't stand the overstimulation with adrenalin-push-kicks anymore. The excessive gambling becomes your undoing. The little uncontrolled boy in you needs a leading realistic father again who teaches him how to love life.
Always stay realistic and don't get caught in any tunnel.
Even if you fall off the wagon and make a fat loss, you have to take responsibility for it and repolarize yourself neuronally for the next fight
With every fight you get used to it and your addiction decreases considerably. Whether it is guaranteed to disappear I cannot assure. It differs depending on the individual.
Always stay realistic with both wins and losses.
This post has been translated automatically
Just frustration!
Nobody has liked this post so far
Take the chance that you have a good life apart from gambling. People who have lost everything, must first laboriously and usually tediously rebuild everything
As maestro808 has already written, a feeling of disgust should set in when you play. Your conscience is just reporting, because you know that it is wrong & you feel dirty afterwards. The feeling must be very strong for you to change your behavior
At the same time you can fill the feeling of emptiness with your family and hobbies
That is the door out of the vicious circle & into a new life ✌
This post has been translated automatically
Just frustration!
Nobody has liked this post so far
This post has been translated automatically